And if you missed the first round of online dating horror pickup lines, click here to get caught up.
Courtesy of my poor girlfriend who hasn’t thrown in the towel yet.
1. Have you played any games lately that you really enjoyed?
Funny you should ask, I am currently playing the dating game and losing. Looks like you are too.
Did my profile put you in distress? What kind of message is this?
3. I know this weird to ask you but I want to be different from the other guys just saying hi sexy so here I go.Hi, I just wanted to know the truth have you ever got flowers from a guy without asking him.Also Valentines, birthdays, clubs, anniversary , and family don’t count be honest? How long ago when you received them ?
Oh you are different in your lack of knowing how to space words and sentences properly. Also, clubs?
4. Are there alot of flakes in this site? I figured I’d start my conversation like that being as how it’s the trend for guys nowadays to just message and not do anything about it.
Sir, how do you know what the other guys are doing nowadays? Are you posing as a female on here to conduct research? Weirdo.
5. Hello goodmorning how are you doing !
Sir, your elementary school English teachers have failed you.
6. I like to gamble and want to know which has better odds. Getting rich in Vegas or you meeting me for coffee?
Definitely go with the Vegas option.
7. Nice tits!
Your mother must be so proud.
Umm, yes you sent me a message.
9. You seems like wonderful person Have a beautiful day Ronan: )
Ronan, you seems like person struggling with English.
10. How are things going for you,my name is dee what’s your name i seen your page and liked what I saw you seem like a down to earth woman with a great sense of humor and you have a nice smile,as for me I’m originally from California,I’m 31,so of the things I like to do for fun is go to the beach,chill with family and friends,bbq,go to car shows,sports,and music,i would like to know more about you like what your interest are what makes you smile and what makes you cry and who knows when we talk to each other we might have alot in common and probably went through some of the same things in life,so if you’re interested in getting to know me like I am interested in getting to know you then leave me your number I can give you a call and we can get to know each other better sweetie.
Oh Dee, you used a period so I guess you thought that was one sentence. Or is it dee and your parents didn’t give you a capital letter? Oh and you must be too busy building run on sentences to use the space bar properly. I can already tell you something that makes me cry….your message.
11. If you could pick a animal to describe you what animal would you be?
I would hopefully be an animal with better dating prospects than a female human in her 30’s. Penguin?
12. Has someone already said “I’d like to wander your globes”?
Nope, you are the first. But you don’t win anything, least of all a date.
13. Hi.. How you doing? I’m blear.
Hi there ‘blear’. I am not sure if you or your parents spelled your name incorrectly but good luck in life with that situation.
14. Will you be my new friend with benefits?
Nope, we are not friends. But since you said ‘new’, did the old one quit? Also, just to be clear, are you offering me medical insurance? Define benefits sir, because maybe I am interested.
15. Love it!
Sir, you love what? Is that your whole message? You are a man of many words.
16. ohai there well i feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of enhancing your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness k thxbai
I am pretty sure life enhancement would not be the only thing I would catch after being exposed to you sir.
17. You are beautiful. Would you be interested in taking my virginity?
No thanks, I am pretty sure I am not interested in a disappointing and probably messy 38 seconds to waste in my life. Also I am sure you are as much of a virgin as I am sir. Just to be clear, I am saying that I doubt you are a virgin. Second thought, looking at your pictures I may be wrong. That F.B.I. (female body inspector) shirt isn’t helping your cause and neither are those zip off cargo pants. Good luck to you in your endeavors and maybe bring a friend shopping with you next time.
18. Looking at your profile took my breath away. I am still having trouble catching my breath, beautiful.
Sir, you may have asthma and should seek medical attention right away.
19. Are you down with brown?
Is this in reference to water conservation rhymes? When it’s yellow, let it mellow. When it’s brown, flush it down? Yes, I conserve water.
20. whats up? You want hang out?
So is ‘hang out’ a thing I can have like take out because I am pretty sure ‘want’ is the verb in that sentence?
21. And finally the message winner of the week: Boobs
No commentary needed. I give up.
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Thanks for reading! ~Tracy