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Monthly Archives: May 2013

Dude, Where’s My Car?

 

Some of you may recall from an earlier post- Pretty Woman, Fallin’ Down in Skis –  that my New Year’s Resolution was to try fewer new things.

I extra super- duper stood behind that decision when my roommate, Hannah- who unlike me is pretty athletic and coordinated – tried snowboarding a couple of months back and broke her wrist on her second run.  I mean she broke-broke it like when they took her to the hospital, they put her under and weren’t able to set it, and she had to go see a specialist once she got home.  I picked her up from her appointment after her first meeting with the orthopedic surgeon who had just let her know that she had to get a plate and pins and all kinds of stuff put in. Meanwhile, the surgery was a few days out and her wrist was still mangled and dangling off her arm, so she was hopped up on all kinds of pain killers.

As I pulled into the garage of our complex, Hannah looked at me and said, “Um. Where’s my car?” You may also recall from an earlier post-  Tight Spots and Teeny Weenies – that we have tandem parking spots.  “What do you mean, where’s your car?” I asked, “Did you park it on the street?”

“No, Tracy- I swear. I haven’t left the apartment all day except to go to the doctor which obviously I got a ride to.”

“Right. Well are you suuuuurreee you just don’t remember? You took a lot of percocets…..”

I’m sure the story would have been a little more exciting if there had been some kind of Hangover 3 explanation for where Hannah’s car wound up after she had a pain killer induced wild ride and forgot where she left it. Sadly, that is not the case and it was just stolen.

DUDE- you think you’re having a bad day? Girl finds out she needs half the hardware from the nearest Home Depot jammed into her wrist and THEN gets her car stolen in the same afternoon?! Ouch.

Nuts and Bolts Home Depot

The Content of Hannah’s Wrist, Post Surgery

 

We called her insurance company and the police, who came to take our statement, at which point we had to confess that not only was it left unlocked, but the key was in the vehicle.  “Yeah so the thing is, Hannah’s spare key doesn’t work so I always just take her keys with me and move cars. Usually I’m no more than a half hour ahead of her so I just leave the key in the cupholder until she comes down for work.  Except today, you know….she didn’t go to work because of her wrist.”

“Uh huh. I see,” The officer taking the statement said, “So you were the last one to actually see the vehicle?”

“Yes, sir.”

Can you IMAGINE how stupid we felt? Two dumb blondes calling the cops to report a car stolen from our own garage with the door unlocked, key in the car, and a big sign that said “Unlocked, keys in car, please steal me!”?? Okay the sign wasn’t really there, but it might as well have been.

–By the way, since the police didn’t include any of this in the report, I have to remind you all that for all intents and purposes, this blog is a FICTICOUS  load of crap that will hold no weight in court on the grounds of insurance fraud or anything like that, in the event we have any enemies reading this post, just saying—

Anyway, after the dust settled, I talked to my friend Erika whose husband is a cop. I told her what happened and how we felt pretty dumb telling them the story. “Are you KIDDING me?” she exclaimed. “They were probably so excited to take a call for a couple of nice girls. Do you KNOW what they see? Last night Chris had a girl pee in his car- twice.  They go into people’s houses who could be on “Hoarders: Buried Alive”. Trust me, you guys are nothing.  The stuff they see….Do you know one of Chris’ favorite  parts to his job is he gets to curse at people and not get in trouble? Can you even imagine just doing that ONCE at your job? How AWESOME would that be? Someone’ s being an ass you and just tell them to F$%k off and hang up?!”

“Ummm…yeah, that does sound pretty awesome!!! By any chance does he have ‘Take a Friend to Work Day?’” I joked.

“As a matter of fact- he does! It’s called a ride-along. You want me to see if he can get one approved??”

HELL YES I DID!!

Shortly after, his Sergeant approved the date and thus my career in crime-fighting was born.

Over the next couple of weeks, I was so excited for my ride along, it was pretty much all I talked about.

When I asked Chris what I should wear, he said, “Something comfortable.”

“Comfortable?! What?!  Of course I need to be a little cute, I mean,  what if we arrest a good looking criminal?!”

“Tracy. There. Will. Be. NO. Flirting with criminals!!!!!”

Hahahah I could tell this was going to be a fun day already.

Hannah dared me to buy a sexy police costume from Party City to wear but I said I didn’t think Chris would like that. So then she suggested that I get cowboy boots, spurs, a hat and a deputy badge. Now that was something I could get behind. As I laid out my outfit the night before, I went to bed dreaming of quick draws and crime fighting.

Old West

 

And I’ll tell you all about it in my next post….

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